My Weekend Back Home

This past weekend I traveled to visit my parents. Normally this is a very stressful time because I am self conscious about how Islam is affecting our relationship. I had a discussion with a friend (may God bless her for her advice), and she told me to be bold and face them head on and not dance around the issues. I decided that I would ask Allah for as much strength as possible in becoming a better Muslim and facing my family. I decided that I would wear hijab the entire time I was in my hometown. Previously I have not been able to wear it out of weakness and fear. I went to lunch with old friends, wore it shopping with my mother, and hiking with my family. I sensed immense dread when I was walking on the boardwalk with my mother, as I spotted from a distance my very self shy and self conscious brother and his friends. My heart sank as I prepared for his rejection, and his embarassment. I decided to call to him first, maybe the pain would be better if experience more quickly, like pulling off a band-aid. As my blonde, blue eyed brother, strode towards me, I braced myself for the terrorist jokes, the ridicule, the scapegoat of his adolescent awareness of anything non traditional, sharply aware of his sister, the Muslim. All six foot two of him captured me up in the strongest, surest hug I have had from him in years. Wordlessly he cradled me, as a younger sibling, proud to embrace his older sister, his older sister, the Muslim.

Becoming a Stronger Muslim

As I have reflected on the past year since my conversion...and how much I have accomplished...I have also found my weakness, which I have shared some of my thoughts about in my last post. I believe that it is true..."assimilation" is impossible. Certain people will never respect the fact that I am Muslim, whether I am a "scary" Muslim or a "cool" Muslim. I have found an verse that is really helping me. I have written it out on a piece of paper and posted it on my cubicle wall. I read it five or six times a day. I really feel that it speaks to my situation.

" So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true: nor let those shake thy firmness, who have (themselves) no certainty of faith. " Surah Al Room 60

For me it is basically reaffirming the fact that I should do what is best for me as a Muslim and not worry about any one elses opinion. I should strive to be the best Muslim I can and know that nothing will happen unless Allah wills it.

When I meet people who are blind to the truth of Islam I think of this verse...

Thus does Allah seal up the hearts of those who understand not. Al Room 59

I feel such a connection between every Muslim on this planet....it is as if every human being was my sibling, but every Muslim is like a twin of mine....

I know that if I am patient, Allah will bless me with the friends that I deserve, and will send me people to stop my lonliness. I feel as if I have not been close to someone in a long time because of the transition I have made.

This Surah describes how I feel about my reversion to Islam....I feel as though a huge weight was lifted...no longer am I carrying the universe on my back...I no longer had to worry about why I was in existence...I had nothing to fear anymore but Allah......my life has become more worry free than when I was a child...

Surah 94. Solace, Consolation, Relief



1. Have We not expanded thee thy breast?-
2. And removed from thee thy burden
3. The which did gall thy back?-
4. And raised high the esteem (in which) thou (art held)?
5. So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
6. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.
7. Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labour hard,
8. And to thy Lord turn (all) thy attention.


Please make duah for me that I become a great Muslim...

Salaam wa alaikum

Drawing the Line Between Who I Was and Who I Hope To Be

I'm probably not alone in the fact that my conversion to Islam has severely dampened my social life. I used to not be able to go five minutes without my phone ringing....now...days go by....I have been isolated from my previous world....At first I blamed the fact that I had changed my ways so people needed time to adjust, and that it was just something I had to get over. Now I am realizing that I have not completely let go of my old life.

I discovered this notion last night as I was sitting in a restaurant with my coworkers. None of my coworkers are Muslim, or really knew to much about it until I came along. As we were sitting there at the restaurant table on a friday night celebrating our recent certification, all of them downed beer after beer. For the past two years I have been tricking myself into believing that I needed to somehow make them feel comfortable with Islam by "bending" my comfort zone. If they see me in a place like this restaurant on friday night...somehow they wont think Islam is super strict and will maybe soften their resistance to it a bit. I realized that all this was accomplishing was changing their opinion of ME not the religion. A coworker actually slipped alcohol into my drink thinking that I was "trapped" and needed to be "freed" from my cell of non alcoholic nights out. I know this person (well at least I chose to believe) that this person did not mean anything by it, and were just trying to see if I liked alcohol, in some way that didn't have me consciously choosing to drink. I felt so terrible and violated. These people were not learning about Islam by being around me at all. I thought that if I "infiltrated the front lines" of DC's youth, than maybe even one of them would come out of this with something worth my discomfort. NOPE. All I have been doing is ruining my progress in my deen. May God forgive me and them.